Colbert Shaves Head For U.S. Troops In Iraq

Wearing a camouflage suit and tie, Stephen Colbert took his show to Baghdad to entertain U.S. soldiers in Iraq. For openers, President Barack Obama appeared by video to thank the troops.

"You're welcome," the mock pundit answered.

"I wasn't talking to you," the president deadpanned.

To the roaring approval of hundreds of troops at Camp Victory, on the western edge of Baghdad, Colbert taped the first of four episodes of "The Colbert Report," in which he plays a pompous, blustering conservative TV host.

His first guest was the towering, bald Gen. Ray Odierno. When Obama and the U.S. commander suggested Colbert had to look like a soldier in order to be a soldier, the general took an electric razor to Colbert's perfectly parted cable-news coif.

The four shows are being taped in the domed marble hall at Saddam Hussein's former Al Faw Palace are to air this week starting Monday on Comedy Central.

Colbert has promoted the trip for weeks, but only vaguely because the military urged caution. Instead, the pundit introduced segments with a jaunty theme: "Where in the World and When in Time is Stephen Colbert Going to Be in the Persian Gulf?"

At Camp Victory, Colbert was in typical, cluelessly egotistical form. He showed a clip pretending that he himself didn't know his destination until he got off the plane and somebody threw a shoe at him.

In another skit, he arrived at Fort Jackson, S.C., in a stretch limousine for "the full 10 hours" of basic training, then struggled to do push-ups and sit-ups while a drill sergeant barked at him.

And, concluding that the six-year war in Iraq must be over because nobody's talking about it anymore, Colbert said he would take it upon himself to make it official: "By the power vested in me by basic cable, I officially declare we have won the Iraq war!"

(To bolster his point, he offered a list of successes, including finding weapons of mass destruction — "easier than we thought" — and told the troops Obama should deploy them to General Motors.)

Odierno gently took issue with the self-sure pundit's suggestion the war had ended.

"We're not quite ready to declare victory," he said. "Things are moving forward but again, it's about bringing long-term stability."

Colbert, who sat at a desk propped up by sandbags painted to make up an American flag, responded by asking Odierno if he can bring long-term stability to the United States when he's done in Iraq.

The 45-year-old comedian, who traveled to Iraq from Kuwait on Friday on board a military transport plane, has said he decided make the trip when he noticed economic news coverage was eclipsing reports from Baghdad.

"It must be nice here in Iraq because I understand some of you keep coming back again and again," he joked. "You've earned so many frequent flier miles, you've earned a free ticket to Afghanistan."

He also joked about the economic crisis, congratulating one soldier in the audience who recently got his college degree while serving in Iraq for being the only 2009 graduate able to land a job.

Former Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain, chided by Colbert throughout the campaign for his advanced age, made a surprise appearance, thanking the troops in a video for their service and reminding them to clean their muskets.

Many celebrities have visited Iraq to entertain the troops. But Colbert's series — "Operation Iraqi Stephen: Going Commando" — marks the first time anyone has broadcast a taped, non-news talk show fully produced and broadcast from Iraq as part of a USO tour.

USO senior official John Hanson said the production faced a major setback when a sandstorm grounded the crew on Saturday, forcing it to cancel plans for an outing.

Both the character and the real Colbert are ardent supporters of the troops. He has raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for the Yellow Ribbon Fund, which helps injured service members and their families, and is a board member of DonorsChoose.org, which is raising money for the education of children of military parents.

Colbert planned the trip after former Assistant Defense Secretary Bing West suggested it last summer following an interview "The Colbert Report." The show sent about 30 production workers, about a third of its regular staff, to Iraq.

Troops in the audience said they enjoyed Colbert's equal opportunity humor.

"Definitely the highlight was seeing him sacrifice his hair," said Spc. Ryan MacLeod, 35, of Greenville, S.C.

Comedy Central is owned by Viacom Inc.

McDonald's Customer Feted On 100th Birthday

A Michigan woman has celebrated her 100th birthday at the same eatery she's visited regularly for the past 15 years — McDonald's. Georgia Boynton stopped last week at the restaurant in Brighton for her customary hamburger and coffee. She got a surprise party with cake and balloons.

Restaurant manager Irene Burelle said that when staffers realized last year that Boynton was 99 they decided to do something special for her next birthday.

They made sure family members would bring her in for her birthday last Wednesday.

Boynton told the Livingston County Daily Press & Argus that she doesn't feel 100 years old. She said her longevity secret is loving her family and being happy.

Brighton is about 35 miles northwest of Detroit.

90-Year-Old Woman Gets High School Diploma

90-year-old Ill. woman gets high school diploma

A 90-year-old suburban Chicago woman who dropped out of school to help her family during the Great Depression now has her high school diploma.

Eleanor Benz left Chicago Public Schools' Lake View High in 1936 during her senior year to take a job. Over the following decades she moved to the suburb of Gurnee and had 15 children, 54 grandchildren and 37 great-grandchildren.

Benz attended night school for typing and bookkeeping, but she recently told one of her daughters that never completing high school was one of her greatest disappointments. Her children contacted Lake View, and the school approved Benz's diploma.

This week, at her 90th birthday party, Benz's family presented her with the diploma and a 2009 gown and cap with a 1936 tassel.

Tickets Pile Up On Van With Dead Driver

NY parking tickets pile up on van with dead driver

A man's decomposing body inside a minivan covered in parking tickets went undiscovered for weeks because the vehicle's windows were apparently tinted and ticketing officers don't normally search cars, police said Friday.
George Morales, 59, died naturally from heart disease, the medical examiner's office said Friday. The body was found in the backseat Wednesday when a city marshal tried to tow the vehicle from beneath an overpass on the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway, police said. He was believed to have been living out of the white Chevrolet minivan, which had North Carolina plates.

But his daughter, Jennifer Morales, 29, told the Daily News he had been living with her family in the Washington Heights section of Manhattan. She said she last saw him in early May and had called police.

"The window was cracked open. I don't understand how no one noticed him. They just gave him tickets," she told the Daily News.

She said her father was a handyman who suffered from diabetes. But police do not have a missing person's report on record for Morales.

It wasn't clear exactly how many tickets were on the minivan's windshield when the body was discovered. Witnesses had reported a foul odor near the vehicle.

The Morales family plans to cremate the remains. Officials used X-rays taken of him in 2007 at Elmhurst Hospital Center to positively identify him, Jennifer Morales told the newspaper.

Gun-Loving Pastor Says "Piece Be With You"

A Kentucky pastor is inviting his flock to bring guns to church to celebrate the Fourth of July and the Second Amendment.

New Bethel Church is welcoming "responsible handgun owners" to wear their firearms inside the church June 27, a Saturday. An ad says there will be a handgun raffle, patriotic music and information on gun safety.

"We're just going to celebrate the upcoming theme of the birth of our nation," said pastor Ken Pagano. "And we're not ashamed to say that there was a strong belief in God and firearms — without that this country wouldn't be here."

The guns must be unloaded and private security will check visitors at the door, Pagano said.

He said recent church shootings, including the killing Sunday of a late-term abortion provider in Kansas, which he condemned, highlight the need to promote safe gun ownership. The New Bethel Church event was planned months before Dr. George Tiller was shot to death in a Wichita church.

Kentucky allows residents to openly carry guns in public with some restrictions. Gun owners carrying concealed weapons must have state-issued permits and can't take them to schools, jails or bars, among other exceptions.

Pagano's Protestant church, which attracts up to 150 people to Sunday services, is a member of the Assemblies of God. The former Marine and handgun instructor said he expected some backlash, but has heard only a "little bit" of criticism of the gun event.

John Phillips, an Arkansas pastor who was shot twice while leading a service at his former church in 1986, said a house of worship is no place for firearms.

"A church is designated as a safe haven, it's a place of worship," said Phillips, who was shot by a church member's relative for an unknown reason and still has a bullet lodged in his spine. "It is unconscionable to me to think that a church would be a place that you would even want to bring a weapon."

Phillips spoke out against a bill before the Arkansas General Assembly that would have permitted the carrying of guns in that state's churches. The bill failed in February.

Pagano, 50, said some members of his church were concerned that President Obama's administration could restrict gun ownership, and they supported the plan for the event when Pagano asked their opinion.

Marian McClure Taylor, executive director of the Kentucky Council of Churches, an umbrella organization for 11 Christian denominations in Kentucky, said Christian churches are promoters of peace, but "most allow for arms to be taken up under certain conditions."

Taylor said Pagano assured her the event would focus on promoting responsible gun ownership and any proceeds would go to charity.

"Those two commitments are consistent with the high value the Assemblies of God churches place on human life," she said in an e-mail message.

Pagano is encouraging church members to bring a canned good and a friend to the event. He said guns must be unloaded for insurance purposes and safety reasons.

He said the point was not to mix worship with guns, though he may reference some passages from the Bible.

"Firearms can be evil and they can be useful," he said. "We're just trying to promote responsible gun ownership and gun safety."

It Makes A Terrible Pesto

Green tea Coca Cola to debut in Japan

TOKYO (AP) - Forget "Classic" or "New" Coke. In Japan, you can soon have your cola flavored with green tea or basil.

Green tea-flavored Coca-Cola will hit Japanese stores June 8, Coca Cola (Japan) Co. spokesman Katsuya Sato said Thursday. It contains tea antioxidants called catechins, leaves a slight green tea aftertaste and is mainly targeted at health-conscious women in their 20s and 30s, Sato said.

"We wanted to cater to people who are looking for something that tastes good but is also good for health and beauty," he said.

Coca Cola is the leader in Japan's cola market but faces stiff competition from non-carbonated bottled drinks such as tea, coffee and fruit juices.

Rival Pepsi Cola is countering with another exotic cola - Japanese basil-flavored "Pepsi Shiso," which hits stores in late June.

Store owner gives would-be robber bread and $40

A Long Island convenience store owner confronted by a bat-wielding would-be robber said Tuesday he decided to show mercy on the man after he collapsed in tears claiming he was only committing the crime to support his starving family.

Instead of getting loot from a stickup, the store owner provided the man with $40 and a loaf of bread, but only if he promised never to rob again.

"This was a grown man, crying like a baby," Mohammad Sohail, owner of the Shirley Express convenience store about 65 miles east of New York City, told The Associated Press in a telephone interview.

The man dropped the bread, picked up the bat and tucked the $40 into his waistband before fleeing, said Suffolk County Police Sgt. John Best.

Sohail, who moved to the United States from Pakistan about 20 years ago, said he was getting ready to close his store shortly after midnight on May 21 when the man in his 40s entered with a bat in his hand. Sohail said he tried to stall for a moment and then grabbed a rifle he keeps behind the counter and ordered the assailant to drop the bat.

The would-be thief dropped to his knees and begged for forgiveness, Sohail said.

"He started crying that he was out of work and was trying to feed his hungry family," he said. "I felt bad for him. I mean, this wasn't some kid."

He said he tossed $40 to the man, who then stood up and told Sohail he wanted to become a fellow Muslim. Sohail said he then pretended to swear the man into the Muslim faith and two ended up shaking hands.

Sohail said he went to the back of the store to get some milk to give to the man, but when he returned the man had fled. He said he called police and reported the attempted robbery, but doesn't want to press charges if the man is ever caught.

Best said detectives have reviewed a store surveillance video of the attempted holdup, but said it would be difficult for anyone to identify the suspect because he was wearing a mask.

Sohail, who said he had never been the victim of a robbery attempt, said he didn't expect any accolades for what he had done.

"I'm a very little man. I just did a good job," said the married father of one. "I have a good feeling in my heart. I feel very good."